


Please don't out my worst fears.

by Chilly_chi_noodles



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Adopted Children, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Kissing, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, Bullying, Child Abandonment, Child Abuse, Childhood Friends, Cutting, Drunk Texting, Eating Disorders, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay, Gay Panic, Hangover, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Humor, Insecure Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Inspired by Music, M/M, Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Stupidity, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Teen Years, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-21 05:37:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17636939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chilly_chi_noodles/pseuds/Chilly_chi_noodles
Summary: Virgil Hunter has always been awkward, even around his best friends and brother.Logan Hunter has always had an understanding about emotions, he wants to become a therapist.Patton Young was a delight to be around, he made the best cookies in their small town.Roman Lily adored theater, he always seemed to make everyone around him smile.To bad no one was their other sides...or maybe it was for the best.Virgil used sigh language because he spoke to softly and quietly around most because of his mental breakdowns and panic attacks.Logan hated showing emotion because he thought people might hate him for being human.Patton skipped meals because he was terrified of becoming fat.and Roman... Roman was broken, he need three pills in the morning just to feel something, and his princey clothes managed to hide the little red cuts that aligned his body...What are they going to do after their worst nightmares become reality





	1. Moody teenagers, amiright Logan?

**Author's Note:**

> no warnings here

"Virgil why are you acting like a moody teenager?" Logan asked slightly annoyed and curious to why Virgil was being stupider and more emotional for the past few weeks.

 "I just realized something horrible." the anxious teen said trying to hide in his freakishly large hoodie.

 "And what's that Virge?" Now Logan was genuinely interested. He took a sip of his orange juice completely unprepared for what was about to to down.

 "I think I'm in love with Roma-" and within the first few words of that sentence Logan choked on his drink.

 "Why?" Logan said still coughing.

 "I don't know stupid! that's why I'm saying I think!" Logan who had ignored the fact that his brother called him stupid, finally stopped coughing and straighten up his tie. He then snatched his pink and orange note book from his nightstand and took the extra pen from behind his ear to start taking notes.

 "Well then, How do you feel when your around him?" Logan asked writing down the question then looking up to meet his brothers eyes.

 "Well I uh... I feel kinda just I don't know...Happy? Wait that's to generic- I feel like I wanna put my mouth on his mouth...Better." 

 "My diagnose is that you like him, mystery solved." Logan deadpanned giving Virgil his 'why the fuck wasn't that obvious' glare.

 "Why thank you doctor bitch. Now how do fix this?" Virgil glared back while fidgeting with his hoodie strings.

 "Ask him out? Kiss him? Not being stupid by hiding your feelings?" Logan put more emphasis on the last one.

 "Sounds like a great idea Lo! I'll hide my feelings forever!" Virgil jumped off of his little brothers bed and ran down the hallway towards his room.

 "God forbid me to try and help this idoit," Logan sighed heavily and fell into his soft covers. "I'm going to get a boyfriend before he even tries to ask out Roman at the rate this is going."

 

 

 


	2. Insecure Roman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman's afraid of his friends and fans finding out what happens when their not around.  
> It scares him to death and he would rather suffer than have anyone find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: mentions of cutting, self harm, bullying, depression, child abuse, verbal abuse, and sexual harassment (ye might not see it tho)

My face kinda hurts from smiling so much. Sometimes I think about frowning or crying but I can't do that, my friends need me to be strong so I can help them. My Father once told me I'd never be able to protect anyone if I told them about my weaknesses, My Mother told me to never cry or complain because that makes me seem like a brat. She was probably right, I know I'm extremely annoying so crying might make me a complete and utter brat. I never complain if I'm told to do anything and I put up with the bully's who torment me anytime I'm alone at school.  


A couple years ago my Father died from drug overdose and it hit my family pretty hard. My Mother suffered the most, she began to get really aggressive. She'd never hit me but she became really mean whenever I did anything even remotely wrong... Sometimes she would bring over her drinking buddies and they would make fun of me and do some pretty horrible stuff but I didn't complain...because who'd really care? Virgil, Logan, Patton, Kaley they all just pity me... Sometimes I cut myself to see if I'm really alive anymore, Virgil likes to describe me as "that one kid in the back of the classroom who smiles all the time but is actually hiding a bunch of fucked up secrets." He's not completely wrong but I can't say that... They'd hate me if I told them about any of this.  
I feel like they suspect what I do to myself because I never like swimming or wearing shorts and tee-shirts... Virgil saw my left arm once and gosh that was horrible.  


_Flash back_   
_"Hey RoRo think fast!" Virgil yells tossing the beanie babie at a poor unsuspecting Roman._   
_"What-" Roman didn't even get to finish his sentence before the beanie babie hit him square in the nose making him tumble back in surprise and fall on his back._   
_"You suck at this game RoRo~" Virgil teased offering a hand to his best friend, Roman not using his brain took it a let his selve slide halfway down his arm. He waited for his friend to pull him only to be met with a quite gasp. Roman looked at where Virgil was starring and quickly realized his mistake a pulled his hand out of Virgil's grip and pulled his selve down._   
_"Oh Roman-" "Just Don't okay! It was a one time thing I regret it immensely so don't talk about it." " ...okay then...just don't do it again please..." " I promise I won't, you have my word! " "Okay then..."_

to bad i'm not good at keeping promises.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reee here we go on our magical journey through depression and child abuse


	3. Anorexic Patton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little backstory with Patton i am sorry if it makes no sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings:Implied devorice, implied child abuse, skipping meals, anorexia

I never liked eating that much or the weird diet's Ma made me go on with her. One day we'd be going all vegan and the next it'd be a strictly liquid based diet. Ma is a character for some t.v show I am never aloud to watch but I'm pretty sure it wasn't for kids or teenagers. Besides that I never necessarily wanted anything to do with food until I started baking. I was looking for something in our bookshelf when I found a cake recipe my mom had lost a long time ago. I decided to try and make it with what little food we had laying around, when I had finished my half burnt cake I cut a slice for my mom and surprised her with it. She was elated with how good my first try was and I decided that I was going to become a baker one day no matter what.

 

  
It's surprisingly easy to hide the fact that I skip meals from my Ma and friends but I know that it's becoming increasingly obvious that I don't eat much because you can kinda see my ribs and collarbone but that's fine the skinner the better right? Besides I still have a lot fat around my arms and legs so I'm not good enough.... I've got to be skinner or everyone will continue to hate me... Especially my Da... He doesn't feed me when I spend time at his house because I'm too fat... And he's right I'll be fat forever.... I need to be skinner I need to! Then he'll love me again just like when I was a toddler! I need to be skinner...I need to... 


	4. Bottled up Logan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reason Logan "can't" tell anyone what he's feeling.... Apparently they don't allow you to become a psychologist if you've had history of going to one.
> 
> (It's probably bullshit but that's what my friend told me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Implied drug abuse, Implied child abuse, bottled up feelings, MDD and panic attacks mentioned.

  
I've always had a clear understanding of emotions and quite honestly they are very interesting. Now even thought I understand them it doesn't mean I like to feel them. My brother Virgil can be quite confusing through. He has MDD and gets panic attacks quite often but he can be very brave and kind, but he refuses to talk about his problems to a professional so I'm stuck with trying to find out ways to help him without any other help. Our parents never cared and our big sister is constantly working to try and pay our family's debts and bills plus making sure me and Virgil don't go into the streets because of our shitty parents. I've tried getting a job to help her but she keeps saying that "I need to focus on school and my future and not trying to pay mom's drug debts and dad's house bill." I just wish she would take a small break and let us help but she keeps ensuring that she'll be fine.

I have decided to become a psychologist so I can help Virgil and My sister, but unfortunately I'll have to hide my feelings so I can get through all this disaster but that's fine I've been doing for the past 14 years I can survive...at least I hope so....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna ddddiiiiieeeeeeee


	5. Panicking Virgil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Insight on what's going to happen in the future   
> Owo I wanna die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Implied drug abuse, Implied child abuse, Hurtful thoughts, cutting mentioned, Sympathetic deceit, Panic attacks, assholeish people, burn marks

Sometimes I worry about my family and friends... Make that all the time but you get the point. Patty never eats around us... He bakes all the time and says he's alright but I can see the anxiety in his eyes... Sometimes I can hear his thoughts... They say he's fat and disgusting and if he doesn't lose weight nobody will ever like him... Sometimes I yell at those thoughts at how stupid they are but it never works... Logan is very closed off and sad... He doesn't ever want to talk about his feelings and somehow manages to flip the conversation which can be extremely annoying... I literary hear his thoughts all the time and most of them aren't bad but there are a select few that are just down right bitchy. Calling him Robot or Mr.Expressless which makes no sense. Sometimes I hear him actually tell himself to suck it up and get on with it or he'll never be able to anyone, it's those times I march into his room shake him and tell him to spit out what's wrong or I'll shake it out. My big sista Reese is constantly working her ass off to try and keep our entire family from going on the streets... I never see our parents because their either snorting crack or kept far away from me and Logan by Reese... And then there's RoRo.... I miss him a lot... He's always smiling and laughing and being the stupid dramatic freak he is but it's extremely easy to see he's hurting badly. He never wears anything even remotely revealing, he always dashes off towards his house in a hurry when school finishes, the little dark red lines that I can sorta see through his white 'prince's button up, and the thoughts in his head are extremely loud but sometimes I can't even hear them... The awful things they say about him and the predictions about what's going to happen when he goes home is absolutely horrible.... But I can't help him... Not unless he lets me.

 

Sometimes this strange power I have can give me panic attacks... But I feel fine otherwise that I'm just the normal mute kid who can tell what you thinking... I've met someone else with a power like this and their name was Dakota... He could speak to animals and control them as well... Everyone at school through thinks he is terrifying expect me and Patton for some reason. I think it's just because he has a giant burn mark his face and sharp teeth, he's not even mean actually...he's really nice!

 

Well last week he told me he found this weird blog on the internet called 'exposers' which he originally thought was for youtubers but nope... It's for exposing teenagers with issues unless they seem help.... That's extremely creepy. What's even worse is they write poems or weird shit about you a month before they expose you completely just so everyone knows apart of what's going on with you... And yesterday I almost had a panic attack in front of Dakota after what he showed me was the 'exposers' recent post.

 

Exposers - New person  
Put on a mask with many sealed cracks and draw on a smiley face.  
I don't let them touch this cracked mask because then they'll see all of my secrets.  
My Mother has cracked my little gray heart into many tiny pieces, she lets some colorful goo leak from the wound that she has inflicted on me.   
My little friend knows all of these secrets because my thoughts are to loud but that's alright because I can still hide some of the darker secrets.  
I feel like I need that sliver lining that comes after a storm, but it will never end because nobody really likes to listen.  
Who am I ?

 

 

 

 

....Well shit now I'm going to have to tell Roman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rreeeee this took a long time to write

**Author's Note:**

> prepare for the next chapter it's gonna have some angsty stuff


End file.
